---
title: "Being nice at AlterConf"
date: 2015-10-18T12:00:00-07:00
url: https://blog.lmorchard.com/2015/10/18/being-nice-at-alterconf/
author: Les Orchard
tags: [alterconf, diversity, mindfulness, empathy]
---

# Being nice at AlterConf

<img class="inset wide right" id="thumbnail" src="/uploads/2015/alterconf/alterconf-laptop-sticker.png">

Yesterday in Detroit, I volunteered at [AlterConf in
Detroit][alterconf-detroit]. I watched the food
for a bit, then I folded some chairs. Nothing to brag about - they barely
needed me. That left me largely free to sit in on the rest of the conference.

[alterconf-detroit]: http://www.alterconf.com/conferences/detroit-mi

It was nice. In fact, the whole afternoon was *all about* being nice. I don't want
to trivialize it, but the core themes had a lot to
say about empathy and inclusion and kindness - all things I file under "being
nice" in my head.

When I walked in, I got a name badge. I was asked to write my personal pronouns
on it along with my name - "he/him" for me. That's a kindness: I don't
want to insult anyone by misgendering. I have enough problem remembering names,
let alone navigating gender concerns in a crowd of strangers more diverse than
I usually encounter.

Then, in the main room, the speaker's podium stood next to a big screen for
slides. But, on the other side, there was another big screen with a live
transcript and a sign language interpreter on standby. That transcript turned
out to be another kindness: I don't have hearing issues, but I've always found
it easier to absorb complicated things from written text. Among other things, I
can catch what I missed while taking notes or re-read what I had trouble
grasping at first.

And, of course, there was a [Code of Conduct][coc]. I skimmed through it on my
phone during the opening address. Not many surprises, mostly just specific ways
to not be a jerk. It was nice to be reminded of a few more things about which
to stay mindful. I'm not *entirely* inept in social situations, but I'm not
great and I like hints.

[coc]: http://www.alterconf.com/code-of-conduct

I know everything I just wrote was about me. That's a poor way to talk
about empathy. But, so many objections I've seen about inclusion &
consideration at an event center around gripes about personal inconvenience for
folks like me who don't need as many considerations. "Can't we just do the
thing? Why do we have to be distracted by all these special needs? Can't they
just deal with it? Don't bother me with all that."

I know I've been dealt a good hand in life. Call me privileged, though I know
that word sets some people off. Hell, it's set me off before. But, it just
means there are lots of things I don't have to deal with. So, I can afford
to be generous. I can try to be more mindful for awhile, tread carefully, apologize
when needed. I can share some burdens, make some room, hold back, bear with a
few minor inconveniences.

To me, it's just being nice. I like to be nice. I try to be kind. It doesn't
cost me anything I'd miss. The end result usually brings unexpected benefits
and I get exposed to interesting people & ideas who would otherwise be squeezed
out.

To keep this short, I'll save writing about the ideas presented at AlterConf
for other posts. I just wanted to get these general things about the structure
of the day out of my head first. It seemed like a short afternoon with a nice
foundation of little considerations I don't usually see. It made me glad to
be a small part of it.